In general I’ve tried to stay out of sight, out of mind you could say and that sucks. I shouldn’t have to be hidden away, I shouldn’t feel like I have to pass as a cis woman to go out, to be around people and that’s what I’ve been trying to overcome. This was a big step for me in a few aspects, the biggest of which was going to a theater that got a lot of patrons, specifically non tourist patrons. Up until now I’ve avoided I guess what you could call peak hours for crowds and in some aspects (such as theaters) I avoided places that didn’t see a lot of tourist traffic if I was going during those peak hours.
I did my makeup on Saturday and thought I looked really cute… It doesn’t happen all that often (not yet anyway) so I figured I had to do something. What’s a girl to do? This is probably a good reminder I should work on friends in Vegas I could hang out with… Well Inside Out had come out and I wanted to see it, so I figured I’ll do that I’ll go watch a movie but I’ll go later in the day in part so it wasn’t as hot but also because people would be out. Pushing myself to be around people instead of avoiding them sounded like a great idea at the time so I tried to figure out what I was going to wear.
It was hot well it’s summer and I’m in Vegas so definitely hot and it was going to be that way all night pretty much. As such I didn’t really feel like pants were an option… I’m always paranoid about dresses because it can be rather windy so I was thinking shorts. I ended up with shorts, a light blue and white striped top and my light blue like keds shoes which you can see in the picture here. I thought it looked rather nice 🙂 I was happy with my makeup, my outfit, and I was feeling brave. So I was all set, now was just to find the right time for the movie, well I should say a good time at a theater that didn’t fit my “safe” options so to speak. Found a theater that wasn’t in a Casino, wasn’t in a touristy part of town, and well also in a non sketchy part of town. Found a time for Inside out that would work, I was ready to set off for the movie.
Once I got there I saw A LOT of people, well looking back I guess it wasn’t that many people but it was more than say 2-3 people, there were lines to get tickets so that meant I’d have to wait in line standing around people… That’s when I started to freak out at the whole idea… I sat in my car texting people about how anxious I was getting and panicking over the notion of just being around other human beings of various ages. While the texting was helping I wasn’t completely sold… I got out of the car eventually and looked around… There were still a lot of people, I was still freaking out despite having gotten out of the car… A minute or two later I was back in the car… At this point I was sitting there wishing I had someone… anyone, to go with me, to hold my hand literally or figuratively I didn’t care. I had this great plan… to push myself alone so that if something happened my kids wouldn’t be around… so I could get used to it, to push that thick skin I have to grow because there will be times I’m with my kids and I need to be strong and be able to remain calm and focused.
I got out of the car again… walked to the theater entrance, at this point the line was fairly short, I think there were 2 people ahead of me, while there were a group of people coming up I didn’t pay them much attention. I got up to the ticket booth and was greeted with a smile and the girl was helpful and totally casual in our interaction, I paid, got my ticket, and was on my way.
Once I got inside I was greeted by another smile this time from the ticket taker who told me how to get to the theater my movie was in, again another casual nice interaction. Once I got past her I saw several lines to get food… “Ugh I’m thirsty from sitting in the damn car for so long”, I thought to myself.” “What’s a movie without some popcorn too…” another thought crossed my mind, I looked around and realized they had a bar here too which was cool but nothing compared to the notion of a soda and some popcorn plus the whole I didn’t want to get carded concern. My focus shifted back onto the concession lines and that’s when I noticed the lady in front of me… giving me this wtf look… “Okay no big deal… I’ll make eye contact and she’ll look away.” so I did and we stood there awkwardly having a stare off… That wasn’t what I had expected and now there was this person standing between me and that popcorn and soda…
Well I didn’t get popcorn or soda I decided to just back away and go to my seat to watch the movie. I was partially pissed because I just walked away, I didn’t want to deal with the potential confrontation, and in the end I’m the one who suffered because of it… That sucked but I tried to see past that, to focus on watching the movie.
Which I will say Inside Out and the short Lava were awesome, and totally a tear jerkers which was like “ugh my makeup… I swear water proof better freaking be water proof!”, “don’t cry, don’t cry…”, and “no… stop crying!”. I should have expected that I was bound to cry being that it’s a movie about emotions… After the movie was over I didn’t exactly know what state my makeup was in so I rushed out of the theater to my car. Once I got out of the theater I ended up snapping a selfie and it didn’t get ruined 🙂 although it was windy so I had to pull my hair back to get the picture hehe.
Overall it was a rocky night out but I’m still impressed with what I accomplished alone well alone in a physical sense… I had friends with me via my phone so I wasn’t completely alone.