Saturday was the first time I went out with the family… Up until now I’ve either gone out alone or more androgynous/boyish as it’s what makes my wife more comfortable. Saturday was different as we were going to a Beauty Event for trans and gender non conforming people at the LGBTQ Center.
Initially I thought we would grab breakfast and head home for me to get ready to which my wife corrected my assumption saying we just wouldn’t have time. So I fought the urge to jump up and down… well until I walked out of her sight anyway… This was huge! I mean generally speaking, while my wife is supportive she’s going at her own pace in terms of acceptance and comfort which is acceptable to me thus my initial thought.
So I get all ready to go. Do my makeup, my hair, and put on my dress. A quick approval from my wife to make sure there isn’t anything I missed or possibly screwed up. The only thing she mentioned was I should have a jacket/sweater… There was the problem I apparently miss placed all of my black sweaters besides the small cover up type (hehe still don’t know the names for it) that pretty much just covered my upper arms and shoulder/upper back. While not as functional it was definitely cute… Getting over a cold be damned cute is quite important hehe 🙂
We got the kids ready and were on our way, first to a bank so I could have cash on hand… Definitely didn’t want them questioning the debit card name since I haven’t legally changed my name yet. After getting some cash my wife decided on Marie Calendar’s for breakfast. Another big step for me as I haven’t really gone places where I have to say more than a few words and people leave me alone… Nothing with a waitress really let alone a hostess, but here we were. I had the baby in my arms and our older one walked in with my wife.
We walked in, my wife with our oldest in hand, and I was carrying the baby. We asked for a table once who we thought was the hostess addressed us, although she turned out to be our waitress. Once she was ready I wrangled up the oldest from the waiting area and we made our way to our table. The waitress explained to our oldest that she was going to get a high chair so mama could sit down… She called me mama… yes inside I was smiling from ear to ear… Sure it wasn’t the first time I was gendered correctly but I got a mama! This was huge! At that point I had to snag a selfie just to remember (okay I probably wasn’t going to forget this but just in case!), it wasn’t the most flattering but whatever it was more for the memory.
I initially thought maybe the waitress was just familiar with trans people since well we weren’t more than a mile away from the LGBTQ Center… but as the meal went on even an extra server who had come by to check on refills had used correct pronouns… none of the people around us paid attention, stared… nothing, okay so this wasn’t the first time I had these things happen but it was the first time my wife was with me to experience it… It’s one thing to try and explain something it’s another to experience it.
I did get caught off guard toward the end of the meal though, my wife took our oldest to the restroom (yeah… haven’t tried that yet and wasn’t about to try with my kid with me), while she was gone the waitress had come by to let us know our oldest got a dessert with his meal and asked if my sister needed a box. I paused as it was completely unexpected and eventually muttered our “oh yeah, sure… thank you”, she said she’d come back with a box and see what kind of dessert our oldest wanted. He opted for ice cream and shared with the baby and my wife, I’m not a fan of ice cream so I just watched, it was a nice moment I mean there wasn’t anything special we were doing the same thing we’d done many times before but I wasn’t hiding I wasn’t pretending to be someone else.
I was already on cloud nine and we hadn’t even gone to the Beauty Event. We made our way to the LGBTQ Center and went to the event, it was in one of the side rooms. At this point I was already realizing I had pushed myself a bit too far and was getting tired quickly… We walked around and talked with a few of the people there and I got a few compliments on my outfit 😀
Going to the event with me I think sealed it for my wife as once we took a break she made the comment about how hard it must be to only have one place where I could be myself and be accepted without question. I snagged a selfie while we were sitting at the Bronze Cafe which ended up getting a quick cretique/lesson on my selfie taking skills. Afterward I reminisced with my wife about our breakfast and how I seemed to be quite accepted but even then she was right… The LGBTQ Center outside of home is the only place where I feel comfortable letting my guard down and even then I can’t say that with 100% certainty… I hope this will change and eventually as I become more comfortable I plan to become more verbal and plan to push for the changes so that someday for others it isn’t just someone’s house or an LGBTQ Center, it’s anywhere and everywhere…
At that point I was just about done, I was starting to feel tired and our kids looked ready for naps themselves so we decided to just go home. Once we got home I put the kids to bed for their names, my wife passed out in her room and I ended up laying on the couch… I had planned to go upstairs but a second trip just seemed too much so I just laid on the couch for a while. Thus the tired smile selfie… You know maybe my wife is right about me taking a lot of selfies…
Speaking of selfies have one last one… After about an hour of sitting on the couch too tired to move I finally made my way upstairs only to go back down stairs before I finally settled for a short nap myself before our kids were up and ready to go again… I do miss the energizer bunny feeling of being a kid…