A day in the life of this trans woman

I figure since my life is currently at some sort of a stable routine I’d write about what a typical day looks like for me.

My day starts with an alarm going off telling me it’s time to get up for work.  An unwelcome alarm to say the least but it has some perks I guess…  It’s set earlier so I can snooze or what I generally do is roll over and nudge my girlfriend for some morning cuddles.  I lay there in her arms pressing the snooze a few times as I’d rather fall back asleep in her arms than get up and go to work.

I reluctantly get up after a half hour or so of cuddles, it isn’t that I dislike what I do for work, I mean it’s IT work and programming so what’s not to love? Okay maybe there is a bad thing I can think of, I do get tired of asking, “Have you tried turning it off and on again?” but besides that it’s fun!  The reason is that it’s been 6 months since I wrote my coming out letter at work and I’m still going to work dressed as a guy and spending the whole day being addressed by my birth name…

This entails it’s own routine, first I put on a fitted shirt or tank so that I can push down my breasts enough so they don’t look as obvious (I guess one “appealing” aspect of not having the genes to grow big boobs fast is a plus here), and then put on a button up shirt over that, generally one to two sizes bigger than I wear just so it’s baggy enough to hide any curves the fitted shirt fails to hide.  I put on one of the two loose jeans I still own that are a size or two bigger than I need so that they’re baggy enough to look the part as wearing some of my skinny jeans began to raise comments… Which I don’t even get as they didn’t even have any cute designs.  I pull my hair back into a low sitting pony tail and put on my slip on vans. I get to work sit at my desk and hope I can focus on my work to overcome the fact I’m still pretending to be a guy.  Not that work is even able to distract me from that notion at this point.

The day goes by and it’s time to leave. I sit in my car for a moment fighting the urge to cry as I let down my hair and brush it out a bit before I rush home to change. Off goes the baggy jeans and dress shirt, off goes the fitted shirt/tank and my boobs are free, well for a brief moment as I put on my bra and then pick out an outfit.  From here I go out and run any errands I need to run finally feeling comfortable in my appearance.  I come back home and prepare dinner for my girlfriend and I as I wait for her to get home.  Well sometimes I just finish up a few things it all depends on the meal of the day.  Either way it ends up being a lot of fun cooking as she loves my cooking (well like 99% of the time hehe I am still experimenting with recipes).

Once we’re done eating we cuddle up on the couch if we’re in the mood to watch something or hop on our computers and play Minecraft (well that’s our current game of choice).  Or we go out to the park, or hang out with friends, or out to the stores…. Hmm, okay maybe this part varies quite a bit, but once we’re done with our after dinner activities we get ready for bed and I usually end up passing out snuggled up in her arms.

That’s a fairly average day for me as I live my life… I hope the part about having to pretend to be a guy ends soon as it’s quite painful…

Foods and Nostalgia

Growing up there are four favorites I can recall that were my comfort foods.  The one that’s remained near the top thus far has been Spaghetti with sunny side up eggs.  It’s funny looking back at what is in essence such a simple meal to make but it just makes me remember fond memories of my mom making it for me.

All it takes to make is spaghetti noodles thin or regular, brand was never big in this aspect, Ragu meat sauce, ground beef, and of course one or two eggs.  I’ve even found this at restaurants a few times but it isn’t the same when they make it.  I’ve found it has to be made by my mom or myself to have that nostalgic feel that makes it special.  Although I have adapted my own twists to the recipe if you will granted not that much has changed… Instead of ground beet I use ground turkey and sometimes if I’m looking for a kick I’ll also add a few pinches of cayenne pepper.

Oh and if you’re wondering what the other 3 dishes are:

  • Rice, hot dog, and sunny side up eggs.  I don’t know how true in terms of my age but this is the first meal I learned to cook and was helping my mom make it since 2 or 3 as the story goes… It does have an additional story I was old enough to remember.  This dish reminds me of one time my older sister was left to babysit me it was dinner time and I had to have this but she didn’t know how to make the eggs so I had to show her how to make them.
  • Rice, black beans, and hot dog.  I’m not really sure how the beans came to be a popular item for me but it’s been there for a long time.  I do change it up sometimes adding cheese or ketchup (yes ketchup).  Hmm… although maybe next time I’ll try mixing in some Devil’s Spit…
  • Charquican a Chilean dish that’s typically a stew. Although when my mom makes it there isn’t as much of a stew feel it’s more of something between stew and chunky mashed potatoes consistency.  This is the one dish I have yet to attempt to make on my own.

There are the four dishes that bring me back to being in the kitchen with my mom growing up.  It’s funny to this day I’m the only one who doesn’t get yelled at when I’m in the kitchen helping my mom.

Looking to make friends… Get sexual requests…

So I decide that I should try and make some local friends now that I’m getting divorced and while I love the friends I have they’re in Los Angeles… As the notion of becoming a hermit or loner aren’t all that appealing I figure I should expand my pool of friends and try to make some local friends…

How does a 30 something year old person make friends?  An app/website targeted at making friends and meeting new people sounds like the way to go…

First up was Meet Up which I still have an account on but haven’t used mostly because I don’t like groups of strangers… even if they’re super nice and welcoming I get very anxious about it… So I moved on to another option I found called “MeetMe” an app and website pegged as:

MeetMe helps you find new people nearby who share your interests and want to chat now! It’s fun, friendly, and free!

Join 100+ MILLION PEOPLE chatting and making new friends. It’s for all ages, all nationalities, all backgrounds — EVERYONE!

Sounded perfect! So I sign up and start filling out info; put down Las Vegas as my location, added a profile picture, and even disclosed being a trans woman as the start of my about section just to remove that as a factor before going on to describe my interests.  I also just in case (again feeling paranoid) made sure to mention I’m just looking to make some friends.

I didn’t really know what to expect beyond I might get more chat requests from guys than girls based on things I’ve heard/read about in the past in general about online interactions…

So m profile is all setup and I’m all happy and go on about my usual routines. Then the profile views begin and then the chats… “Hi”s and “Hello”s start to come in… Okay so a bit short but it’s cool if you don’t know what to say beyond that as an intro message.  Heck you’re braver than me since you actually sent a message so go you with your courageous self… So I click on their profile and see well nothing… some don’t even have pics let alone anything for me to read and see if we have stuff in common or even just to try and talk about…  I’m at a loss, what to do besides sending back a simple “um, hi” kind of response that doesn’t really lead anywhere.

Well I was wrong about the “not leading anywhere” part… I got back questions asking if I was horny, wanted to do various sexual things, or see dick pics… Maybe some trans women might see that as flattering I mean from what I’ve read that puts me into the woman box of being objectified if you will, but not me. I was saddened and disgusted by the fact that this is what I got when trying to make friends…

Although there was hope! out of the 12 messages the first two days I was on MeetMe I got 1 was from what seemed to be a decent guy, we chatted a little bit and then he ended up going to bed. He seemed nice and I was hopeful we’d talk again as we had at least one thing in common based on a pic of him in snowboard gear.

Maybe day 3 would lead to a follow up chat with “decent guy” or maybe another person to talk to who wasn’t looking for sex… Sadly I was wrong again, after 10 or so “Hi” type messages from empty profiles and a few more chats that quickly led to sexual requests I gave up.

Oh and in case you were wondering the picture that I’m assuming was responsible for the responses I got was this one I had previously posted on Instagram. I only say that because I had made it my profile picture.

A photo posted by Liz (@quietliz) on

I just don’t know… At this point it seems like making friends in Vegas is a lost cause, at least with the interaction methods I’m comfortable using at the moment.  Maybe I should take this as a sign…

 

Movie night out

In general I’ve tried to stay out of sight, out of mind you could say and that sucks. I shouldn’t have to be hidden away, I shouldn’t feel like I have to pass as a cis woman to go out, to be around people and that’s what I’ve been trying to overcome. This was a big step for me in a few aspects, the biggest of which was going to a theater that got a lot of patrons, specifically non tourist patrons.  Up until now I’ve avoided I guess what you could call peak hours for crowds and in some aspects (such as theaters) I avoided places that didn’t see a lot of tourist traffic if I was going during those peak hours.

A photo posted by Liz (@quietliz) on

I did my makeup on Saturday and thought I looked really cute… It doesn’t happen all that often (not yet anyway) so I figured I had to do something.  What’s a girl to do? This is probably a good reminder I should work on friends in Vegas I could hang out with… Well Inside Out had come out and I wanted to see it, so I figured I’ll do that I’ll go watch a movie but I’ll go later in the day in part so it wasn’t as hot but also because people would be out.  Pushing myself to be around people instead of avoiding them sounded like a great idea at the time so I tried to figure out what I was going to wear.

It was hot well it’s summer and I’m in Vegas so definitely hot and it was going to be that way all night pretty much.  As such I didn’t really feel like pants were an option… I’m always paranoid about dresses because it can be rather windy so I was thinking shorts. quietliz-movie-night-outfit I ended up with shorts, a light blue and white striped top and my light blue like keds shoes which you can see in the picture here.  I thought it looked rather nice 🙂  I was happy with my makeup, my outfit, and I was feeling brave. So I was all set, now was just to find the right time for the movie, well I should say a good time at a theater that didn’t fit my “safe” options so to speak.  Found a theater that wasn’t in a Casino, wasn’t in a touristy part of town, and well also in a non sketchy part of town.  Found a time for Inside out that would work, I was ready to set off for the movie.

Once I got there I saw A LOT of people, well looking back I guess it wasn’t that many people but it was more than say 2-3 people, there were lines to get tickets so that meant I’d have to wait in line standing around people… That’s when I started to freak out at the whole idea… I sat in my car texting people about how anxious I was getting and panicking over the notion of just being around other human beings of various ages. While the texting was helping I wasn’t completely sold… I got out of the car eventually and looked around… There were still a lot of people, I was still freaking out despite having gotten out of the car… A minute or two later I was back in the car… At this point I was sitting there wishing I had someone… anyone, to go with me, to hold my hand literally or figuratively I didn’t care.  I had this great plan… to push myself alone so that if something happened my kids wouldn’t be around… so I could get used to it, to push that thick skin I have to grow because there will be times I’m with my kids and I need to be strong and be able to remain calm and focused.

I got out of the car again… walked to the theater entrance, at this point the line was fairly short, I think there were 2 people ahead of me, while there were a group of people coming up I didn’t pay them much attention.  I got up to the ticket booth and was greeted with a smile and the girl was helpful and totally casual in our interaction, I paid, got my ticket, and was on my way.

Once I got inside I was greeted by another smile this time from the ticket taker who told me how to get to the theater my movie was in, again another casual nice interaction.  Once I got past her I saw several lines to get food… “Ugh I’m thirsty from sitting in the damn car for so long”, I thought to myself.” “What’s a movie without some popcorn too…” another thought crossed my mind, I looked around and realized they had a bar here too which was cool but nothing compared to the notion of a soda and some popcorn plus the whole I didn’t want to get carded concern. My focus shifted back onto the concession lines and that’s when I noticed the lady in front of me… giving me this wtf look… “Okay no big deal… I’ll make eye contact and she’ll look away.” so I did and we stood there awkwardly having a stare off… That wasn’t what I had expected and now there was this person standing between me and that popcorn and soda…

Well I didn’t get popcorn or soda I decided to just back away and go to my seat to watch the movie.  I was partially pissed because I just walked away, I didn’t want to deal with the potential confrontation, and in the end I’m the one who suffered because of it… That sucked but I tried to see past that, to focus on watching the movie.

quietliz-movie-night-afterwardWhich I will say Inside Out and the short Lava were awesome, and totally a tear jerkers which was like “ugh my makeup… I swear water proof better freaking be water proof!”, “don’t cry, don’t cry…”, and “no… stop crying!”.  I should have expected that I was bound to cry being that it’s a movie about emotions… After the movie was over I didn’t exactly know what state my makeup was in so I rushed out of the theater to my car.  Once I got out of the theater I ended up snapping a selfie and it didn’t get ruined 🙂 although it was windy so I had to pull my hair back to get the picture hehe.

Overall it was a rocky night out but I’m still impressed with what I accomplished alone well alone in a physical sense… I had friends with me via my phone so I wasn’t completely alone.

Coming out at work…

As I saw it because of how small the company is and the atmosphere I felt I needed to come out to the owner first. As such I wrote an email which is below:

Dear [name],

I’m writing today to talk about a personal matter. I hope you would understand that while I try my best to keep my personal life and my work life separate, this is a matter that will result in some changes in my work life.

I’m transgender. I’ve known this since I was about 12 and have tried to keep the feelings hidden away and even for a time tried to find ways to make them go away. In the end, neither strategy worked, and the discomfort caused by trying to suppress these feelings just kept growing. To support myself, I started going to therapy a year ago and have been exploring my options with my therapist.

The options I am pursuing include common effective treatments for Gender Dysphoria such as psychotherapy, hormonal treatments and/or various surgeries. These treatments follow the World Professional Association for Transgender Health “Standards of Care” which set out guidelines to support persons like me. My therapist and medical doctor are following these Standards in their care of me.

One of the Standards is to live as a woman on a full time basis. Up until now I have only been doing so outside of work. It is now time for me to make these changes at work. I am hopeful we can meet very soon to discuss how we can work together to make this happen smoothly and successfully. Among the changes I expect will happen are name and pronouns, work paperwork, insurance, and day-to-day appearance. I also would very much like to talk with you about how and when to inform the rest of the company.

Finally and most importantly I want to say this change will not affect my ability to do my job.

I look forward to discussing this with you and addressing any questions or concerns you might have.

So that’s the email I sent. I can’t really say I didn’t know what to expect, I mean I’ve been at the company over a year now and have gotten to know the owner or rather what type of person they seem to be and I didn’t think the worst would happen. Okay, that’s not completely true but I’ll honestly chalk it up to the part of me that accounts for the “tin foil hat” scenario if you will.

It’s a bit funny to look back on this (not that it was that long ago hehe) as I had a date range set long ago, my wife and I had talked about summer being good based on various factors. As the time grew closer I wasn’t scared… I was actually getting excited, although I guess that shouldn’t have been a surprise as this was the beginning of the transition between part time me and full time me.

The moment I hit send on the email on the other hand was a complete 180° turn. As soon as I finished hitting the send button on the email my stomach began to churn and I started to get nervous… I tried not to let it distract me from work as well I wasn’t kidding about this not affecting my ability to do my job. That was a bit harder initially but then I got busy with work and didn’t have time to think about the email.

At the end of the day I realized I hadn’t gotten a response… At first I was worried but I chose to take it as the owner must have been busy and as such didn’t have time to respond. It was toward the next day that I got a response, which was positive :), with a simple request that I come out to my coworkers one on one… At first I didn’t really understand but eventually realized as I came out to the HR person and then the head of the office that doing so one on one helped keep the distraction level under control and keep in line with my goal of not having this affect my work.

A walk, giving up male privilege, and passing…

Yesterday was quite a big step for me in terms progress I guess and also a bit of a startling revelation in terms of giving up male privilege and  passing.

So let’s start with the walk or rather getting ready for the walk, in general I’ve either gone out with makeup on or in “boy” mode.  I get random bouts of courage and end up stepping out of my comfort zone, generally speaking I love this about myself as it usually leads to good things.  This case was no different, in the picture below you can see my outfit, also a picture of what ended up being my 1 hour walk turned 2:20 walk… Okay I got carried away but can you really blame me? I was out walking, without makeup (sweat + makeup is not really a good mix) and not in “boy” mode. I was walking as me, in what I felt comfortable wearing.  Oh and the last picture is me toward the end of the nearly 8 mile walk.

A photo posted by Liz (@quietliz) on

I was into the second mile and walking with the flow of traffic when I got catcalled… “Hey baby, why don’t you ride with us” came out of a car as it whizzed by. Generally I don’t think people are talking to me and as such would have ignored the catcall as it must have been meant for someone else but I was the only one on the sidewalk at the time. At first I was flattered, “yes, I’m passing” and “someone things I’m good looking from behind anyway” popped into my head and it was definitely quite exciting.  However that quickly turned to terror as I began panicking at the thought of the car slowing down after it got past me, what would I do if they stopped.  In the time span of maybe 2 seconds I went from excited to terrified all from one phrase…

I processed the situation as I continued my walk and began to realize what it meant when others had said I’d be giving up male privilege, it wasn’t any of the things I had thought about. I’m giving up the ability to feel safe, the ability to walk around and know that I’m less likely to have anything happen to me… It went beyond that as it wasn’t just the terror of someone doing something to me because I’m a woman, it was the thought of “fuck if I don’t pass I’m in even more danger”.

That’s when it kicked in, that remember everything it takes to pass feeling.  Walk with your feet in a soft fluid manner, don’t lead with your shoulders, suck your gut in, arch your back, move out of the way when approaching others, smile… smile, for fucks sake smile… How do I smile I’m now one of the foxes, no longer one of the wolves?

Not that passing is a new concept, it’s always been a part of life so to speak.  I have tattoos, I’ve never been told to hide them at any of my jobs but when I’m at work I have hidden them to pass as more professional.  When presenting as male I had to try and hide my emotions (which I suck at) because emotions are a sign of weakness and men aren’t weak. Everyone has to pass in some way… That said I’ve never really felt like passing was a life or death kind of thing…

During my walk I passed by 4 people, 3 of them were what I perceived to be men, one was what I perceived to be an older woman.  In the past this wouldn’t have meant anything but walking by the 3 men every single time I couldn’t help but worry about them doing something to me.  I know, I know “Not All Men” thing but fuck how am I supposed to know which ones are the bad ones and which ones are the good ones?  I want to believe all people are good until proven otherwise but I just couldn’t get to that place when I was walking by them.  Even the older woman wasn’t a person to free me of this paranoia as I wondered if she’d shout a slur at me of some kind because I didn’t pass well enough…

This is what I signed up for… Don’t get me wrong I wish this wasn’t what I signed up for in a sense but at this point in time the reality is this is what it means to not only be a woman but to be a trans woman. It’s funny as I wrote this post the question of “Is this what you really want?” kept running through my head and the answer never changed… I’ll take fearing people on a regular basis until I get back into my “happy place” for as long as it takes and even the rest of my life if that’s what it takes.

That fear is nothing compared to the freedom I felt being myself.

Let’s Talk Sex! Err… Sexual Orientation that is…

After coming out as a trans woman some people assume I’m heterosexual now.  I guess it makes sense since we do live in a heteronormative society but it’s still a bit frustrating for people to assume that. Doing so implies my feelings for any past partners who were women were lies… That’s just an awful way to look at things while I lied about my gender identity my feelings at the time of a given relationship were true.

While I have dated a guy, for me the fact he was a guy wasn’t a determining factor. It had more to do with… well… mainly the fact he asked me out… I mean, I dunno there’s something about that that’s just… um… well… feels nice.  Now, now, before someone thinks “Oh so that’s all it takes?” he also had almost a polar opposite personality of the girl I had dated prior which was quite interesting and wasn’t giving off any creep vibes.  All that said I don’t know if I’d date another guy, I guess I can’t say with 100% certainty that I wouldn’t if the “right guy” asked, although I have no clue what that would mean.

So at this point… You’re probably thinking bisexual, seems pretty obvious… I would be up for agreeing with one caveat so to speak… Looks don’t spark anything in me, it’s all about the emotional bond.  So even then I’m not really sure that’s the right “label”. Although there’s still the issue of figuring out what the “right guy” would mean for that to apply.

While there’s no physical attraction, there’s still a desire for physical interaction so asexual is out?  Well mostly holding hands, hugs, kisses, etc.  You know think PG and that sounds awesome.  There is the rare exception I’m actually interested in more than that but in general unless it’s something that pleases the other person I’m good with keeping it PG.

So all that said, are you confused as to what “label” is right for me?  Me too… Sigh… Oh well…

Going out with the family

Saturday was the first time I went out with the family… Up until now I’ve either gone out alone or more androgynous/boyish as it’s what makes my wife more comfortable. Saturday was different as we were going to a Beauty Event for trans and gender non conforming people at the LGBTQ Center.

Initially I thought we would grab breakfast and head home for me to get ready to which my wife corrected my assumption saying we just wouldn’t have time.  So I fought the urge to jump up and down… well until I walked out of her sight anyway… This was huge! I mean generally speaking, while my wife is supportive she’s going at her own pace in terms of acceptance and comfort which is acceptable to me thus my initial thought.

quietliz-sat-outing-beforeSo I get all ready to go. Do my makeup, my hair, and put on my dress.  A quick approval from my wife to make sure there isn’t anything I missed or possibly screwed up. The only thing she mentioned was I should have a jacket/sweater… There was the problem I apparently miss placed all of my black sweaters besides the small cover up type (hehe still don’t know the names for it) that pretty much just covered my upper arms and shoulder/upper back.  While not as functional it was definitely cute… Getting over a cold be damned cute is quite important hehe 🙂

We got the kids ready and were on our way, first to a bank so I could have cash on hand… Definitely didn’t want them questioning the debit card name since I haven’t legally changed my name yet.  After getting some cash my wife decided on Marie Calendar’s for breakfast.  Another big step for me as I haven’t really gone places where I have to say more than a few words and people leave me alone… Nothing with a waitress really let alone a hostess, but here we were.  I had the baby in my arms and our older one walked in with my wife.

We walked in, my wife with our oldest in hand, and I was carrying the baby.  We asked for a table once who we thought was the hostess addressed us, although she turned out to be our waitress.  Once she was ready I wrangled up the oldest from the waiting area and we made our way to our table.  The waitress explained to our oldest that she was going to get a high chair so mama could sit down… She called me mama… yes inside I was smiling from ear to ear… Sure it wasn’t the first time I was gendered correctly but I got a mama! This was huge! quietliz-sat-outing-marie-calendarsAt that point I had to snag a selfie just to remember (okay I probably wasn’t going to forget this but just in case!), it wasn’t the most flattering but whatever it was more for the memory.

I initially thought maybe the waitress was just familiar with trans people since well we weren’t more than a mile away from the LGBTQ Center… but as the meal went on even an extra server who had come by to check on refills had used correct pronouns… none of the people around us paid attention, stared… nothing, okay so this wasn’t the first time I had these things happen but it was the first time my wife was with me to experience it…  It’s one thing to try and explain something it’s another to experience it.

I did get caught off guard toward the end of the meal though, my wife took our oldest to the restroom (yeah… haven’t tried that yet and wasn’t about to try with my kid with me), while she was gone the waitress had come by to let us know our oldest got a dessert with his meal and asked if my sister needed a box.  I paused as it was completely unexpected and eventually muttered our “oh yeah, sure… thank you”, she said she’d come back with a box and see what kind of dessert our oldest wanted.  He opted for ice cream and shared with the baby and my wife, I’m not a fan of ice cream so I just watched, it was a nice moment I mean there wasn’t anything special we were doing the same thing we’d done many times before but I wasn’t hiding I wasn’t pretending to be someone else.

I was already on cloud nine and we hadn’t even gone to the Beauty Event.  We made our way to the LGBTQ Center and went to the event, it was in one of the side rooms.  At this point I was already realizing I had pushed myself a bit too far and was getting tired quickly… We walked around and talked with a few of the people there and I got a few compliments on my outfit 😀

quietliz-sat-outing-bronze-cafeGoing to the event with me I think sealed it for my wife as once we took a break she made the comment about how hard it must be to only have one place where I could be myself and be accepted without question.  I snagged a selfie while we were sitting at the Bronze Cafe which ended up getting a quick cretique/lesson on my selfie taking skills.  Afterward I reminisced with my wife about our breakfast and how I seemed to be quite accepted but even then she was right… The LGBTQ Center outside of home is the only place where I feel comfortable letting my guard down and even then I can’t say that with 100% certainty…  I hope this will change and eventually as I become more comfortable I plan to become more verbal and plan to push for the changes so that someday for others it isn’t just someone’s house or an LGBTQ Center, it’s anywhere and everywhere…

quietliz-sat-outing-home-01At that point I was just about done, I was starting to feel tired and our kids looked ready for naps themselves so we decided to just go home. Once we got home I put the kids to bed for their names, my wife passed out in her room and I ended up laying on the couch…  I had planned to go upstairs but a second trip just seemed too much so I just laid on the couch for a while. Thus the tired smile selfie… You know maybe my wife is right about me taking a lot of selfies…

quietliz-sat-outing-relaxedSpeaking of selfies have one last one… After about an hour of sitting on the couch too tired to move I finally made my way upstairs only to go back down stairs before I finally settled for a short nap myself before our kids were up and ready to go again… I do miss the energizer bunny feeling of being a kid…

Hormones and breast sensitivity…

I thought I’d specifically talk about this because it’s one of the things that I really didn’t learn much about in all my researching… Maybe it’s taken for granted and I should have assumed it was a part of the package…  In any case I thought I’d talk about it  a bit.

It’s funny that I didn’t sort of expect this considering breast sensitivity was my  realization trigger so to speak. When I started hormone replacement therapy a little over 8 months ago I had no idea what was in store even after quite a bit of research to be honest.  It’s a sharp piercing pain almost like a stabbing pain that stays there for a time depending on how much force was involved. From what I had read getting hit in a breast was akin to getting hit in the groin, which to me is more of a strong spreading pain similar to getting punched.

There’s been quiet a few times when playing with my kids that it has led to me turning away in pain, tearing up from the amount of pain.  Breasts are new to me and I’m quite clumsy with them as such at this point I can’t foresee ever not wearing a padded bra when possible just for the extra layer of protection.

The good is that the sensitivity comes and goes, it isn’t a constant pain.  So there’s that and well the notion that the sensitivity and subtle pain is a sign of breast growth which is at least a bit comforting hehe.